Category Archives: Funny Jokes

Lawyers don’t lie

A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived but was having difficulty in finding a new home.

When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they knew that the children would destroy the home.

He could not say that he had no children, he could not lie, after all, lawyers can not and do not lie. So, he had an idea : he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 children. He took the remaining one with him to see homes with the Real Estate Agent.

He liked one of the homes and the agent asked, “How many children do you have ?”

He answered, “12 children.”

The agent asked, “Where are the others ?”

The lawyer answered, with a sad look, “They are in the cemetery with their mother.”

And that’s the way he was able to rent a home for his family without lying.

MORAL: It is not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words.
Lawyers don’t lie …they are creative

Bhola At a Grocery Store

Bhola goes to a grocery store.  He finds cat food at special prices.  He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.  The Manager gets suspicious.  He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids.  He asks Bhola to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food.  Bhola goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.

Next week Bhola finds dog food at special prices.  He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out.  The Manager again gets suspicious.  He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids.  He asks Bhola to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food.  Bhola goes home and returns with a dog.  He gets to buy the dog food.

Next week Bhola comes to the grocery store with a bag.  He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag.  The Manager puts his hand in the bag and immediately takes it out.  He shouts at Bhola: “What! This is shit!”

Bhola calmly replies: “Yes, and I want toilet paper”

Fun Facts About Women

Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they’ll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man’s responsibility, The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party.

Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

Women especially love a bargain. The question of “need” is irrelevant, so don’t bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

Factory Whistle

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.

“Your workers, they’re escaping!” cries the visitor. “You’ve got to stop them.”

“Don’t worry, they’ll be back,” says the American. And indeed, at exactly One o’clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.

When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, “Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?”

“Forget the machines,” says the visitor. “How much do you want for that whistle?”

A man and his father in law

A man went to meet his father in law to be and was chewing gum. The father in law shouted at him in a harsh voice.

Father-in-law: Young man, you’re coming to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage and you’re chewing gum. That’s a sign of disrespect!

Man: Sir, I only chew gum when I drink or smoke.

Father-in-law: You mean you drink and smoke, and you’re here to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage?

Man: Sir, I only drink and smoke when I go to the club.

Father-in-law: You club too?

Man: I’m sorry sir, I started clubbing when I came out of prison.

Father-in-law: You’ve also been to prison before? Oh my God!

Man: Sorry sir, I went to jail when I killed someone.

Father-in-law: What!!! You’re a killer?

Man: Sir, I was angry because a certain man didn’t allow me to marry his daughter, so I killed him!

Father-in-law: Oh! Okay…. You know what? You’re highly welcome my son. You are on the right track. You’re absolutely the right Man for my daughter. Welcome to the family

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